Tucker #18: Tell Me More, Tell Me More!

Does anyone other than me remember the first time they saw Grease?  My mom made me leave the room when they had sex in the car...as if I didn't know what was happening.  Christ, Mom. 

I also vividly remember my sophomore year in high school, our school had Spirit Week.  Did you guys do that?  You know, that whole week leading up to homecoming, which we actually didn't have because we don't have a football team, because there were 15 (yes, 1-5) people in my graduating class.  Anyway, Spirit Week.  Every year, there was a theme - sophomore year, it was "Decades".  Each class chose a Class Theme, within the general theme, and the week was spent decorating hallways, crafting lip sync dances, and competing against other classes to win ridiculous contests like obstacle courses and beach towel volleyball. 

Sophomore year, my class chose the 50's.  Being in charge of our choreography for the Lip Sync Contest, I naturally wanted nothing more than to use Grease Lightning.  Slight problem: in order to use a song, you had to submit the lyrics to the governing powers, to be sure it was appropriate for our Christian School crowd.  Turns out, even when you fudge the lyrics a little (she's a real pussy wagon? come on, Travolta), your beloved English teacher knows the REAL words and turns you down.   It's okay, Mrs. Tyink...Burnin' Love turned out just fine ;)




Moving forward.


A good friend and avid Tucker reader suggested that, before I venture off into airing my dirty laundry about all the poor schmucks who who've been on dates with me, I give the general public a chance to ask all the questions they want about the Tucker Saga.  I'm certain that, despite my tendency to describe things to "an autistically vivid level" (thanks, Blake), I've managed to leave out important explanations about things.  Of course, everything I write makes sense to me...I was there, I remember it.  To you, though, there might be a few head scratchers remaining - a few blanks I forgot to fill in along the way.   Many of these questions I've answered in some form or another throughout the blog, but this is a chance to have all the how's, why's, and wtf's in one place, and a little more concise.


Have a question?  Leave a comment.  Tweet me.  Leave it on Facebook.  Ask away - I'm an oversharing open book, ready to answer any Tucker inquiries you've got.  Confused about the timeline?  Not sure you're following a few details?  Really just want to know what the fuck I was thinking about something/everything?  Hit me with your best shot: no question left behind.


I'll start the ball rolling with a few of the questions I've gotten repeatedly - from the blog, from friends, from complete strangers who add me on Facebook and question my sanity.  As the questions come in, I'll update this post, so for the love of all things Tucker, give me something to work with!





How long did all of this drag on?
It's been almost three months since I first laid eyes on that sexy southern boy.  It took a week or two to really get the ball rolling with conversation between us, and we all know once that started, the rest is (internet documented) history.


Why do you put songs at the beginning of every post?
Because I like to jam while I write, damnit.  Sometimes.  Sometimes I need total silence or I can't focus on a goddamn thing.  It actually started accidentally - I happened to be listening to a song that fit perfectly, so I put a video in the post...then it just sort of continued.   By the time this is a Lifetime movie, I'll have the whole soundtrack already complete. Boom.


Why did you decide to start writing this anyway?
This is a complicated answer, but there are four main reasons:

1) I was tired of trying to relay the ENTIRE story, all one hour+ of it, to everyone who'd heard it and asked me about it.  This seemed like a better way to share the story without having to verbalize it every time, and for all my friends, who were obsessed with my misfortunes (assholes), to tell THEIR friends about this disaster.

2) It was therapeutic.  Getting all the details out on  "paper" made the whole thing a little more tolerable.  When I wrote it out, and saw it laid in front of me, I realized just how funny the whole thing was.  It was healing to put all the little details out of my head, and onto the interwebs. I don't have a shrink at my disposal, so spilling my guts, including the embarrassing, my-heart-hurts details, felt good.

3) Because David Ringnalda told me to.
4) I like hearing myself talk, and I'm obviously an attention whore, so any chance for me to make you look at me was a chance worth taking.  Sometimes I can be funny, too, so making you laugh (even if it's AT me), is always a plus.



How did you fall in love with someone you'd never met?
I tend to use the phrase "fall in love" pretty loosely.  I've been in love, for real, once. MAYBE twice, but the first time I was far too young to even know what being in love meant.  Even the one time that I do count, is questionable.  I'm not sure anyone really knows what it's like to be in love, until you find the one person that you love forever.  But, that's just me. 

Anyway, if we're getting technical, I wouldn't say I necessarily fell in love with Tucker.  I fell in lust, absolutely.  I loved lots of things about him - his personality was exactly what I was looking for, and a lot of his characteristics and qualities were perfect for my future match.  I did have a serious connection with him, though. 

I think it's hard to explain this to someone who's never had an online dating experience before - good or bad.  It's hard to describe how you can form a bond with someone you've never met - particularly in terms of a romantic relationship.  I won't try to explain it, because it's impossible, but know this: it's very, very possible to develop REAL feelings for someone, even if you're only communication is via written words.  It's a scary thing, because it's very easy to manipulate your words to convey an idea or a persona that you want to show - obviously, regardless of whether or not that's who you are.  For me, Tucker did just that - he perfectly embodied every aspect of my "perfect mate", and that's what I fell in love with.  An idea, I suppose, more than a person.  Meh. 



Looking back, were there any clues it was a girl?
Honestly, no.  I SEARCHED for this, once I found out who Hannah was.  Clearly, there were clues that Tucker was not who he claimed to be - but not once, not a SINGLE time, did I think for a moment that a woman would be behind the whole thing.  Hannah didn't talk to me like a woman, she never dropped little hints that she was a female.  She was...manly?  Never once did I think Tucker seemed the least bit femanine.  When things like this happen - big shocker moments in your life - you can usually look back and pinpoint those telltale signs when you're all OHHHH yup, there it is.  Yeah, not here.  Girl was good at what she did...but as you know, she was at this for years.  She had plenty of time to fine tune her dudeness.



What did your friends/family say about Tucker, before you realized something was wrong?
I really only told a few of my closest friends about Tucker.  Three or four of my girlfriends knew about this perfect stranger - I certainly wasn't running around waving a banner about my newfound love for the world to see.  I'm typically pretty slow to tell the world about a man in my life anyway - mostly because I have such a history with finding the crazies, or dumping a guy after a week, that it's not worth even sharing the details until he's been around for a significant amount of time.  That, and before this blog, only a handful of my friends knew about my online dating account - I hadn't had time to craft a story about how Tucker and I met, so most of my friends hadn't heard about him yet.

Now, the girls who DID know about this mystery man, were excited to meet him.  To the ones I did tell, I gushed.  I couldn't shut up about how perfect he was, couldn't stop making them listen to the songs he'd send me, couldn't stop telling them how they were going to have to come to Georgia for my wedding in a year.  I tend to get overly excited in situations like this, though, so none of them were booking plane tickets just yet...God bless them.  They loved hearing the details, but didn't start picking out their JCrew bridesmaid dresses until they saw the man in the flesh.  My friends are so smart.



Did anyone see the red flags before you did?
You know, they probably did.  I don't recall much skepticism from the peanut gallery, but even if there was any, I wouldn't have listened. If you've ever been blinded by lust at first sight, you know how easy it is to overlook those glaring details that tell you something is, without a doubt, seriously fucked up.  For the most part, my friends were just excited for me, eager to hear the latest details about this perfect man I stumbled upon.

.....except for Sar.  My best friend is brilliant.  She can read people like nobody I've ever met, except for Dennis.  They should both work for the CIA, no lie.  Sara told me, from DAY ONE...day one people...that Tucker was fake.  Not that he was "too good to be true", or that he was bluffing about some of his amazing qualities on his profile.  No sir.  Sara informed me, matter of factly, that he was not a real person.  Now, we've established that he technically was real, due to the whole Blake thing...but man, I wish I'd listened to her.   Instead, I told her to shut up and stop being jealous of my perfect southern boyfriend and just be happy for me.  Sar...IloveyouI'msorry.



Why internet dating in the first place?
I've been asked this question for years!  There are a lot of reasons. It's entertaining. It's different. It's the allure of the new and exciting. It's the refreshment of talking to people outside my usual social circle.  It's the difference in getting to know someone's personality, instead of scoping them out at a crowded, dimly lit bar.  It's expanding horizons. It's being able to fully creep on someone and stalk out every aspect of their appearance, lifestyle, work and education, and grammar, prior to sashaying past them at McFadden's, hoping he'll hand you a shot of rumple and ask you to join him during the Cupid Shuffle...not that I do that.

Also, please let me tell you how endlessly entertaining it is when your best friend also has an account, you are both messaged by the same person, and see how long it takes for him to realize he's simultaneously chatting up two girls who are next to each other on the couch.  Or, when you and said best friend are at HopCat, and watch that guy walk in, clearly on a first date he nabbed from the 'net, and spend the entire evening laughing hysterically at how awkward he is in real life.  Entertainment, folks.  First class entertainment.



You say the OkCupid profile for "Tucker" was incredibly accurate for Blake...was anything different?
Actually, yes.  It was very accurate in terms of the "about me" descriptions and such - Blake is totally a family guy, super sweet and down to earth, and a whole shit load of fun.  All of that was absolutely true - and that was the part that I was most drawn to.  The "stats", per se, were not the most important part.  Yes, I love tall guys, so I didn't hate the 6'1 thing, and the fact that he was educated and had a good job was also a plus.  A lot of that, though, was false. 

Blake DID go to Auburn, but graduated from Shorter College where he played golf, not baseball.  He doesn't work in pharmaceuticals, and doesn't have those two dogs.  He's not 6'1, so it never would have worked out anyway.  He can't carry a tune in a bucket, and I still don't know who that was singing songs to me, but it wasn't Blake.

All in all, the "essence", if you will, of Tucker came directly from Blake.  The personality, the way he talked, the things he said...even identical Facebook statuses, stolen straight from Blakes page, were all just alike.  The other details were exaggerated or made up, but for the most part, she nailed it.



Why did you keep talking to him, even though you knew he was lying?
Ah, this question. It's a favorite of my friends and family.  I honestly don't have a good answer for this. I have about seven different reasons.  At first, I kept talking to him, because though I knew he wasn't being entirely truthful, I couldn't PROVE he was lying, and I hadn't ruled out extreme coincidences yet.  Once I determined he was certainly lying about his identity, I still thought that perhaps there were a perfectly logical explanation. Maybe he had a legitimate reason for needing to keep his identity a secret...you know, in case he was the Prince of Malta or something and wanted me to fall for HIM, not his royalty, a la Gossip Girl.  I eventually ruled that out too, and came to the conclusion that he was most definitely full of shit, but even THEN I couldn't let it go.  Partially, I think, because something in me just couldn't let go of the hope that there was an explanation.  I wanted so badly to believe that he was the person I thought he was - the person I fell for.  Because of that, despite the fact that I knew he was lying to me, something in me kept trying to convince the logical, sane part of me that an explanation would come along. 

Ultimately, I couldn't stop, because I'd gotten too far in to just turn away.  Had I felt endangered whatsoever, I would have left it alone.  I knew, by the time I got far enough in to truly know I was being completely fooled, that the person I was talking to was nowhere near Michigan.  He knew none of my personal information, didn't ask me strange questions like my mother's maiden name or my social security number, or try to entice me into a dark alley.  It was clear that whoever was lying to me, was just desperate for attention.  By then, I was too set on finding out the person behind it all, and uncovering the mystery.  I watch far too much CSI and Criminal Minds to turn my back on my own little mini-episode -- I had to find out the truth. 

By now, you've all read through the crazy twists and turns, and know what a process it was -- I didn't have that luxury.  As I was going, I repeatedly thought I was just around the corner from the end, and from finally putting all the pieces together - I couldn't give it up.  Of course, that was rarely the case, as I kept encountering twist after twist.  I was just so engrossed in my own story, I couldn't let it go.  Couldn't just call it day - couldn't chalk it up to a poor life decision and walk away.  Maybe it was foolish to keep it up...but you wouldn't be reading this if I hadn't been out of my mind crazy and followed it to the end ;)



Did you ever develop feelings for Blake?
It's hard to answer this question.  Yes and no.  I did, but I'm not sure the reasons I did were fair.  I think, because I'd fallen so hard for Tucker, those feelings reappeared when I "met" Blake.  Because he was, essentially, Tucker in the flesh, the feelings I'd felt for Tucker immediately came back.  I love talking to Blake, just like I loved talking to Tucker.  When Blake and I spoke, my head (and heart, I suppose), equated our conversations with the ones I had with Tucker months before.  It was almost as if Blake was that explanation I'd been searching for before, when I was certain there was a logical reason Tucker was hiding his identity.  So, in short, yes.  I did have feelings for Blake when we began to talk every day.  It was hard not to - anyone who knows him will attest to his fun loving personality, great sense of humor, and irresistable southern charm.  Those feelings, though, turned into a deep appreciation for a wonderful friendship that we were so fortunate to have created.  Had our personal circumstances (read: relationship statuses) been different, perhaps this would be an entirely different conversation.  The fact is, though, Blake is marrying a beautiful southern girl next summer, and by then I likely will have had at least half a dozen new dating disasters to share with my cyber family.  Cheers?



Do you still want to meet Blake?
Absolutely!  Blake is a GREAT guy, and I love chatting with him every day.  We have so much in common, and I'm certain if we lived near each other, we'd have a riot together.  I'm so lucky to have met him, and consider him a great friend.  I certainly hope that we'll have the opportunity to rehash this crazy story over a few beers someday! 



Would you ever want to meet Hannah?
Ehhhhhh.  I don't think so.  I was hesitant to even talk to her on the phone, to be honest.  I was, and still am, considerably creeped out by the situation.  To know that, on whatever level, she pursued a relationship with me, weirds me out.  I've come to terms with the situation, call a spade a spade, whatever.  However, I don't think meeting her would accomplish anything.  I don't have any desire to chew her out in person, to get in her face and yell at her for wasting three months of my life, or anything of that nature.  I don't have anything to discuss with her - she already gave me an explanation, apologized, told me her life story, etcetera.  There isn't anything left for us to talk about, and I think meeting her in person would just be incredibly awkward and probably would make me throw up.



Why didn't you pursue the marine?
I've gotten this question a LOT.  Haha.  I owe a lot to Tucker (William, Tucker).  Without his help, I wouldn't have been able to figure out who Hannah was...or if I did, it would have taken a lot longer, and a lot more detective work that I was running out of energy to do.  Tucker was absolutely phenomenal through this whole ordeal.  He listened to me ramble on at 2am about this crazy story, and volunteered to jump in head first and help me figure out who was behind the lie.  After all was said and done, I think Tucker was ready to forget it all happened, and go back to living his life - free of anything related to our dramatic connection.  He IS adorable, and single, though...if your Facebook stalking skills are any good, ladies, you can find him there ;)



Why do you still have your online dating account active?
I've gotten this question in a few different forms, but I can sum all of them up here.  As you'll find out, once the Diaries start unfolding into Chapter Two, this was not my first online dating rodeo.  Been there, done that, and I've got some hilarious stories of the outcomes.  It's still active now, mostly so everyone reading the Diaries for the first time can check out the scenario where I met Tucker.  My profile helps those of you who don't know me in real life, get an idea of my personality and who I am.  I'll take it down, eventually, but for now it'll stay.

Why did I keep doing it?  To put it bluntly, it's addicting.  It's incredibly fascinating to have thousands of new strangers at your fingertips, with the possibility of your soulmate, next first date, or future best friend being one of them.  It's so fun to get messages from people who loved your profile and think you're super freaking awesome.  It's entertaining to browse profiles and send a message to an attractive stranger, and wait to see if he actually responds.  The whole thing is just wildly fascinating, and if you're single and tired of the same dating pool, I highly suggest paying OkCupid a visit. 


Are you going to write a book?
Well, I sort of have now, huh?  Will I ever actively pursue a publishing deal?  Doubtful.  I didn't write the Diaries to knock John Grisham off the best sellers list. If someone with the power to turn my blog into a book approached me and offered me the opportunity, I certainly would listen to what they had to say.  I'm not sure my stories are unique enough to warrant my own space on the shelf at your neighborhood Barnes and Noble, but I suppose the possibility is always there!



Do you actually think you'll go on Ellen?
DUH.  I mean I hope so.  Have you requested our story to Ellen?  There's a link on the right hand side bar...check it out :)



What does Blake's fiance think of this situation?
From what Blake has told me, his fiance doesn't care much about the situation.  When I first messaged him, he had shared my concerns with her, and they were both worried about safety issues, and the extent of the whole situation.  Once it became apparent that Hannah was not a threat to them, she put it in the past and, for all practical purposes, forgot about it.  Does she know how often Blake and I talk?  I'm not sure.  Does she read the blog?  I doubt it.  To her, I'm sure, this is all a bunch of silly nonsense that was an annoyance, but not an issue that deserves her attention.  If I were her, I'd probably treat it the same way. 


How did Hannah pick Grand Rapids as her dating profile location?
When I asked Hannah about this, her response was a little vague.  Essentially, what I gathered from her, was that she met someone at college (in Georgia), who was from the area.  She also mentioned, at one point, a friend from home who went to Michigan State, so I wonder if she'd heard of Grand Rapids from that person as well?  Part of what was so convincing about her, was her knowledge of GR.  However, I have to remind myself that, thanks to Google, she could tell me the color of the awning outside Tavern if she wanted to.  It's simple to look up "Apartments in Grand Rapids", or search for bar and restaurant listings to make it seem like she knew a place. Hell, I've satellite searched Rome, GA  and could tell you the mom and pop shops on Main Street, just because I clicked a few buttons.  It's still pretty crazy to me that she just happened to pick Grand Rapids, but I'm glad she did - had she chosen elsewhere, she'd probably still be screwing with the minds of girls all over the country.

Have more questions?  Send 'em my way -- I'm ready.